


We're going down down

by Rjbower17



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bipolar Disorder, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 21:02:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9677075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rjbower17/pseuds/Rjbower17
Summary: Pete gets insecure sometimes.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Busted this out in a few hours. I've been bored and wanting to write, so I'm kinda on a writing rampage.

Pete gets insecure sometimes. He curls up into balls, cries, eats his feelings. He tries to hide the idle moments from Patrick. But he knows, senses the quiet lulls of silence, the heavy sighs. He sleeps a little longer, forgets to brush his teeth.

It's hard for Patrick sometimes. To understand what’s going through Pete's head. That Pete could understand how irrational he's being, but not be able to change the feeling. It’s a little frustrating when Patrick tells him everyday that he is perfect, that he is worthy of everything they've achieved together. It just sucks when the person you love doesn't believe in themselves. 

Pete feels better with pen in hand, writing lyrics, so Patrick tries to leave him be, let him breathe his own air for awhile. The words are dark and sometimes they scare Patrick, but he rather the guitar bleed than his boyfriend. 

Pete snaps sometimes. Throws notebooks filled with emotions. Screams. Lashes out. In the end, he always looks so small, reaching out for Patrick to hold him, eyeliner streaks running down his face. Patrick learns to be versatile in his dealings with Pete's mental stability. An unpredictable roller-coaster. 

Patrick thinks he's beautiful, with tears in his eyes, with a twinkle in his smile. He thanks every possible cause for Pete everyday. He curses the universe for dealing Pete cards that aren't set for winning. Patrick struggles with the abrupt change in Pete's mood, but his complaints are never about himself. When Pete thrashes through the night, bad dreams, he never cares about the bruises he acquires from Pete's aggressive movements. He only wishes Pete could close his eyes without seeing evil.

Pete forgets how much Patrick loves him. He writes poems about Patrick deserving better. Patrick puts them through the shredder. He gets drunk, forgets his own name, somehow remembers Patrick's enough to click his name in his contacts when he's too far gone to find his own way home. Patrick always comes to get him. Brings him home. Tucks him into bed.

Pete tries to push the thoughts away, Patrick does his best to help. Pete takes cold showers, Patrick feeds him fruit, they change their bed sheets everyday, read to each other in soothing voices, look at stars. Patrick makes sure Pete stays hydrated.

Patrick tries to stay up with him on the nights that insomnia settles in. He’s usually snoring soundly by 2, but Pete appreciates him trying. He stays cuddled against him, feeling out his even breaths. 

They talk it out, try their hand at rewiring Pete’s brain, to believe the deep fullest of Patrick's words over the voices inside his head. It works sometimes, on mornings when Patrick is well rested and Pete has yet to sleep. When Patrick is making French Toast and Pete's sitting by the kitchen island. It’s those kind of mornings that feel too much like lucid dreams to add filter to words, but when you view those memories the picture seems more foggy. Patrick speaks earnest, quiet, trying to convince Pete that he doesn't deserve his darkness. 

Pete and Patrick live through the storm, become more prepared for the next. They keep going, knowing the clouds will eventually dissipate. Patrick never dreams of leaving Pete just because it's raining. The downcast weather only makes the sunshine more beautiful. He appreciates the contrast. 

Pete feels secure sometimes. In Patrick's arms, when he's holding his bass, when puppies are lacking his face. Patrick buys him flowers when he’s on an up swing, knows that Pete's happiness is to be cherished. Pete showers Patrick in kisses. Pete writes songs about imperfect people with perfect love. Wears Patrick's glasses until his head hurts. They sort out chord progressions, laying in fields of grass. Pete brings Patrick his favorite candy. Patrick doesn’t give Pete any space to feel unwanted.

But Patrick doesn't have super powers. Bipolar disorder has a mind of its own, and medication can only ever do so much and Pete falls sometimes. Patrick is patient, never forcing him back up. It’s a team effort. Pete wants to love Patrick with his whole heart, be as good as Patrick is. And he is, even when he can't see it. And Patrick makes everything a bit more clear. Gives Pete the purpose, the direction he needs.

The waves are sometimes shallow, easy to wade around in, and it's easy to keep each other a float. The sun reflects on the calm ripples. Waves become stronger, move farther and faster, it becomes easier to be thrown off course, to drown under the pressure. But they are willing to endure the salt water and potential sharks if it means rainbows come through for at least a moment. The fight is somehow worth it, to make each other the best versions of themselves. 

Pete gets insecure sometimes, but the only reassurance he needs is found in blonde hair, and calloused fingers. It's hard for Patrick sometimes, but pink lips and scratchy stumble against his cheeks are the only necessities in this life.

Rain clouds and thunder storms can be draining, but surely they serve as each other’s batteries, recharging for battle. Pete writes songs about Patrick eyes. Patrick bases rhythm off Pete’s heart beat. Pete cries during cheesy romantic comedies. Patrick loves him just the same. Pete picks his smelly socks off the floor, Patrick is grateful. They work together, never resembling puzzle pieces, never fixed in geometric shapes, always moving. Always changing, learning the dips of insecurity set in the curvature of the others skin, memorizing the loneliness of scattered birthmarks, the adventures of scars. They breath together, giving when the other needs to take, reshuffling priorities. Pete’s happiness always at the top of Patrick’s to do list.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed my trash!!! Leave a comment please!!!


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